Friday, June 29, 2007

good basic people skills

I remember the first time I saw someone reading the book How to Win Friends and Influence Peoplepeople. I felt embarrassed for her thinking that it was so sad that she didn't have any friends and had to read a book about it. After seeing it referenced in a number of places, I decided to read the Dale Carnegie class, first published in 1936, for myself. I was on a seminary trip when I was first reading this book. Another seminiarian asked me what I was reading. I remember feeling embarrassed, thinking that he was probably thinking the same thing about me that I was thinking about the girl I saw reading it.

Millions of people have used this book to help enhance their people skills over the last 70 years, and its skill incredibly practical. I am often amazed at how many of us human beings have terrible people skills. I also know this: People with good people skills treat you in such a way that you feel better about yourself; people with bad people skills treat you in such a way that you feel bad for them. People are worth being treated the best possible way. We owe it to other members of the human race to develop good people skills. Its one way to show them Christ's love.

I've been reviewing a bunch of old books lately and decided I'd post this Table of Contents which gives the outline for the people skills described in the book. It gives a teaser and then answers it within the chapter. I've listed the teaser with the answer to make it easier to understand. Sometimes the teaser and the answer are the same. Here it is:


How to Win Friends and Influence People
1. Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
2. Six Ways to Make People Like You
3. How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
4. Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1 "If You Want to Gather Honey, Don't Kick Over the Beehive": Don't criticize, condemn or complain.

2 The Big Secret of Dealing with People: Give honest and sincere appreciation.

3 "He Who Can Do This Has the Whole World with Him. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way": Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Six Ways to Make People Like You

1 Do This and You'll Be Welcome Anywhere: Become genuinely interested in other people.

2 A Simple Way to Make a Good First Impression: Smile.

3 If You Don't Do This, You Are Headed for Trouble: Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

4 An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

5 How to Interest People: Talk in terms of the other person's interests.

6 How to Make People Like You Instantly: Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
You Can't Win an Argument: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

2 A Sure Way of Making Enemies -- and How to Avoid It: Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong.”

3 If You're Wrong, Admit It: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

4 A Drop of Honey: Begin in a friendly way.

5 The Secret of Socrates: Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.

6 The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

7 How to Get Cooperation: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

8 A Formula That Will Work Wonders for You: Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.

9 What Everybody Wants: Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.

10 An Appeal That Everybody Likes: Appeal to the nobler motives.

11 The Movies Do It. TV Does It. Why Don't You Do It?: Dramatize your ideas.

12 When Nothing Else Works, Try This: Throw down a challenge.

Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:
1 If You Must Find Fault, This Is the Way to Begin: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

2 How to Criticize -- and Not Be Hated for It: Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.

3 Talk About Your Own Mistakes First: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

4 No One Likes to Take Orders: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

5 Let the Other Person Save Face: Let the other person save face.

6 How to Spur People On to Success: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."

7 Give a Dog a Good Name: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

8 Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

9 Making People Glad to Do What You Want: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

1 comment:

Sanjay said...

Nice to know that you got benefited by following Dale Carnegie principles. We at Dale Carnegie Training continue to support organisations and individuals to improve their performance by developing their people skills.

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Sanjay Sethi
Sr. Business Consultant
Dale Carnegie Training
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